Last Exit Interview (On the Airport Shuttle)

Ashley Farmer & Ryan Ridge




Were you surprised when it finally happened or was it just, like, okay, fine, whatever?

General revelry.


Is it legal, this feeling?

No, that family isn't even mine, I don't know why I carry their photographs around.


What about your mistresses?

Like improvisational musicians, we have nothing to hide. The cognitive process—the gears—are on the outside.


In your opinion, how many American dreams go unrealized over the course of a month? A year? A lifetime?

Chain letters, Petitions, Amendments, Commandments, Accidents, Wild Applause


Remember a childhood game called Jumping in the Leaves for Fun?

Yes, red all red like fall. Even the simple heads of sparrows.


Where is your mind?

On the airport shuttle, traveling from Terminal A to Terminal C, on the airport shuttle, traveling from Terminal A to Terminal C, on the airport shuttle, traveling from Terminal A to Terminal C. Every other secret is just a tributary.


When you met your Maker was it a love connection?

It's like watching him work in real time. He's making decisions with us in the room.


What kind of room?

Handsome.


Could you elaborate on your meaning of 'handsome'?

He was on the airport shuttle, traveling from Terminal A to Terminal C, when he realized everyone there was part of him. He was on the airport shuttle, traveling from Terminal A to Terminal C, when he realized he'd be there forever.





Ryan Ridge and Ashley Farmer live together in Long Beach, California. They're collaborating on a cycle of cutup texts and mock interviews tentatively titled "The Motherfucker Factory" from which "Last Exit Interview" is excerpted.