James Tadd Adcox

How Does the Gentleman Eat?

The gentleman eats with seething glances at his companions. The gentleman should set a fire in the loins of all those sharing his table. When he asks for the salt, the question should contain fetid and unruly undertones. His fingertips should brush against your hand. His touch should burn.

Several Gentlemen

encounter a body lying dead and naked in the road, torn as if by animals.

Several Other Gentlemen

thread wires between the bones to pull them back together.

The Gentleman's Teeth

rise like the tombs of ancient gods. They drive themselves with a fury through his gums. They are cracked and discolored. They are uninterested in innocence, moral foundations, cognitism, non-cognitism, utility, or the Principia Mathematica. They can be seen in the dark mouth of the forest, striking against each other, producing sparks.

A Fracture

due to a disease process rather than an injury.

Parts of the Gentleman That Remain Hidden from View:


The Gentleman's Tie

can be tied in a variety of fashions, the Windsor, the Half-Windsor, the Quartered Windsor, the Victoria, the Edward, the Eunuch, the Nicky, the Dirty, the One-Eye, the Gaping Maw, the Horror, the Four-in-Hand, the Very Small Knot. Clip-ons are acceptable as well, provided that the gentleman carries with him, at all times, a note explaining the necessity of a clip-on. Example: In these modern days, to lose time is to lose heart. The century is barreling towards its dark end. I only carry a mirror so that I can see my breath fogging its surface.

James Tadd Adcox lives in Chicago, where he edits Artifice Magazine. His work has been published or is forthcoming in The Literary Review, Mid-American Review, Quick Fiction, Requited, and > kill author.